Fat Santa Cookies
by Elle Wednesday
Summary: Jinx and Argent decide to bake Christmas cookies. Because what could possibly go wrong? Just a little Christmas one-shot. T for language. Happy holidays!


Fat Santa Cookies

It was a rather snowy Christmas Day in Chicago. Most of Titans North was off visiting family, leaving just Jinx and Argent in their tower, a bit stir-crazy and terribly bored. That was when they decided to bake Christmas cookies. Because what could possibly go wrong?

"Toni, do we even _own_ a lemon zester?"

Argent looked up from the cookie dough, one eyebrow raised. "What's a lemon duster?"

"Lemon _zester_? The recipe says we need orange zest."

"Is that like a kind of sprinkle? Because red would go better with…"

It was then that Jinx realized Argent, spoiled little rich girl that she was, had never cooked a day in her life. "Orange _peel_," she explained, through gritted teeth. "We need orange peel."

"Oh," Argent mused, molding a piece of cookie-dough into something vaguely resembling a daisy."We'll figure it out later, darling. Help me finish this batch first?"

Jinx rolled her eyes and flung herself into the seat next to Argent, who held up her cookie.

"This looks like a person, doesn't it?"she whined.

Jinx considered the dough. "No. I can definitely tell it's a flower," she replied.

"No, it looks like a person! See?" Argent gestured at the shape. "There's a head and limbs!"

"Huh." Now that Jinx had seen it, she couldn't _un_see it. "So give it another petal?"

Argent did. "Oh, well, that's better."

Jinx shook her head, making her high pigtails twirl in the air. "Now it looks like a three-armed person."

Argent whimpered and nearly threw the dough cookie sheet. "I'm making a tulip."

The tulip was done rather quickly. And the leaf nearly made itself, leaving Argent at a loss for what to make next. Jinx, meanwhile, was on her fourth attempt at making a rose.

"Santa!" Argent exclaimed. "I'll make a fat santa!"

And she did. He had a little round head, little round arms, little round feet and a biiiiiig round body. She made him a little triangle hat before poking eyes and buttons into the dough with the flat end of a porcelain chopstick.

"Oh! He's so cute!" she squealed.

Jinx looked up from her pathetic-looking rose. "And fat," she chuckled.

"Just in case anyone ever thought their Santa cookies were too thin."

Jinx looked down at her shapeless lump of dough. "Fuck this, I'm making Fat Santas."

Within ten minutes, the tray was covered in Fat Santas (as well as a snowman that vaguely resembled Jack the Ripper and something that was either a tiger or a dinosaur, depending on which of the two you asked), and the girls were giddily creating a commercial for the Fat Santa company.

"Now, you'll never have to worry about having a Santa who looks like he's been on a diet!" Argent giggled.

"Our Santas come in three sizes- Chubby,"

"Chubby-_Wubby_,"

"And Morbidly Obese! …Sorry, I'm not feeling very politically correct today.'

After this, the one-and-only Morbidly Obese Fat Santa was created, his body about thirty times the size of his teeny-tiny-itty-bitty-teensy-weensy head.

"Coming down your chimney this Christmas!"

"If they can fit!"

Once all the dough was used up, Argent placed the cookie sheets in the oven and removed the previous ones, while Jinx went back to the next batch. After searching all the drawers in vain for a zester, she wound up with a cheese grater.

"This'll have to do," she sighed. "Hand me an orange will you?"

Argent tossed a fruit her way, and Jinx began, again in vain, to attempt to get zest with her cheese grater.

"Should we frost these?" Argent asked of the first batch of cookies, which were mostly circles and candy-cane shapes.

"I guess, if we have a pastry bag."

"A what?"

"You know, the plastic bag with the nozzle people use to frost things?" Jinx rolled her eyes at Argent's hopeless cooking skills, then returned to her non-existent zest. "Damn it, why won't this…"She looked at the fruit, more closely than before.

"This isn't even an orange, it's a fucking clementine!"

Argent, loading frosting into a plastic bag, wasn't listening. "We don't need a special nozzle, we'll just cut the tip off a plastic bag!" she announced proudly. "Jinx, darling, I'm resourceful. If we were on a desert island, I could make cookies."

This from the girl who didn't know how to separate an egg. Jinx just tossed the orange-no-wait-clementine from hand to hand and shook her head.

* * *

By the time their teammates returned home, the kitchen counter was covered in trays of warm Fat Santa cookies, each decorated with sparking bits of crushed peppermint candies.

"Did you girls make these for me?" Kid Flash asked, greeting Argent with a cheerful wave and Jinx with a sweet kiss on the cheek. "They're gorgeous."

"Toni made them pretty."

"Jinx crushed the peppermint."

"With a meat mallet. We've all got out talents."

Kid Flash laughed and bit into a Chubby-Wubby Santa. "Mmm. They're kind of…"

Jinx and Argent pointed at each other. "Her fault!"

* * *

Author's Notes:

So the other day, my lovely friend/eviler twinny Aurelie Autumn (check out her page, everyone!) took a break from applying to college to bake Christmas cookies. This is what happened. Most of Argent's lines are things Aurelie actually said and most of Jinx's are things I actually said. (Yes, I really did swear at the poor innocent clementine.) We pretty much write Jinx as me and Argent as her, and their friendship as our friendship. XD I called dibs on writing this, so Aurelie has whatever writable thing happens next. Stay tuned? XD Also, for any _Hope on a String_ reader, the next chapter is almost done, and hopefully I can finish it while I'm procrastinating my college applications. XD

Merry Christmas! Hope you all have an amazing holiday!


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